as for e, i am terribly shocked, horrified, disgusted, etc. and i feel like a goddamn fool for being hopeful and searching for the best in someone. perhaps i was just being desperate. perhaps this was a thing of selfishness, rather than some gallant act to offer a second chance. yes, i am sure of this; it was not about second chances, not cognitively, at least. lofty and innocent and naive underpinnings aside (please, please) i am still such a nitwit, dummy, numbnuts, etc. the list goes on
